Silence is Scary Sound – Clint Edwards

I’d gone to college. I’d written for the New York Times. I had a solid credit score. How did I end up here?

After his breakout hit book I’m Sorry . . . Love, Your Husband, Clint Edwards has more laugh-out-loud tales, this time from the “terrible twos” and “threenager” phases each of his kids went through.

His relatable toddler stories leave parents and caregivers cackling, and remind us all that no one is the perfect parent. In fact, sometimes the only thing that gets Clint through the day is thinking about when his kids grow up . . . and all the ways he can finally exact his revenge. Like leaving a leaky sippy cup full of milk to rot under the back seat of his daughter’s car, or waking up at 4 a.m. to incessantly ask his son for a cheese stick.

With essays like Locking Doors Is Hilarious Until the Fire Department Arrives, Poop Doesn’t Go Easily Down a Tub Drain, Dad’s Never the Favorite, and Face It—You’ll Never Pee Alone, Clint knows exactly what’s “terrible” about the twos . . . and threes.

Goodreads

Disposition

I actually chose this book for a Mom’s Club choice. It seemed light, funny and easy to read, so I figured most mom’s wouldn’t have a problem committing to finishing it. Ironically, I had to cancel our discussion due to a variety of reasons, but I guess that’s beside the point.

Editorial

Let me preface this by saying that I do not like funny. I have a very dry sense of humor, and I can’t stand stupid slapstick “There’s Something About Mary” cum in my hair humor. I like real life funny. Crap that happens and shouldn’t be funny, but is. And this book made me laugh out loud crying. Granted I have six children, and was currently in the throws of the terrible twos with my youngest (and final) child, so I was the perfect target market for this book. Let me give you an example… While bathing his daughter one night she poops in the bathtub. And his wife isn’t home. Edwards’ discussion on this is absolutely hysterical. Granted he makes a show of everything (“do I fish it out with a spatula?”, “do I poke it down the drain with a straw?”), but that is all part of the humor. I am sure these are just potential solutions that crossed his mind while trying to assess the severity of the situation. But as any parent will tell you, we have all been there, faced with something that nothing in your life could prepare you for, and you get desperate.

“I didn’t want to hold her. I wanted to be clean, but I couldn’t do that just then, so I picked her up, looked in her blue eyes, and said, “You are the nastiest person I know.” She stopped crying for a moment. She didn’t laugh or look offended. She stuck her hand in my mouth. The same hand that touched the turd. The same hand that touched the plunger. I pulled it out and spit, and gagged, and cried a little.”

 

Kids are nasty man, seriously I say it all the time. My son drinks out of mud puddles in our backyard. Our young daughters (five and four) found a dead mouse in our yard the other day (courtesy of five cats and a farm), but they brought it in and tried to dress it in Barbie clothes. We should have known why they were being so quiet…..Nasty.

Edwards’ hits it all. The path of destruction that kids are. The lack of sleep. The financial burdens. The lack of sleep. Traveling with kids. The lack of sleep. Even dealing with illness, and when to “take them to the hospital” in the middle of the night. (Which I still struggle with to this day even after six.) But coupled with the worry that comes with illness in kids, there’s also the gross:

“Now let me make this clear: I made a conscious decision to allow someone to puke on me because I knew changing my clothing and taking a shower was easier than shampooing the carpet. Desperate times, people. Desperate measures.”

 

Yeah, I may have done this once or twice too…

I noticed that this book has mostly good reviews and a few really bad ones. If you take everything too seriously (you know who you are) then this book is NOT for you. This is a comedic relief to parenting. Only once or twice did he go too far in my personal opinion (potty training in Disney), but the rest was absolutely spot on and hysterical. If you need a book to make you laugh when you are in the throws of parenthood of young children then this is for you. I look forward to his book 10 years from now, dealing with teenagers…